Monday, December 31, 2007

Some Tips to Shoppers to Help Create a More Enjoyable Shopping Experience for Me

1. Stop Losing Your Children – I rarely go to Wal-Mart for numerous reasons; for example, I know the exclusively Chinese products they have to offer are slowly killing me with lead but I LOVE a bargain. I have been to Wal-Mart in Fall River and Dartmouth 4 times in the past 6 months and EVERY single time I was there, someone lost their child. The management proceeds to make ongoing announcements about the lost child before the parent notices the child is gone and goes to reclaim them. I just want to buy toilet paper and garbage bags; I do not want to be saddened by the fact that some moron forgot their baby in a carriage. So please, for my sake, stop abandoning your children at Wal-Mart ( this applies to other stores as well but for some reason I have never heard an abandoned child announcement over the intercom at the Gap)
2. Stop Smoking Weed at the Entrance to the Harbor Mall – In case anyone was looking for a reason not to go to the Harbor Mall aside from the lack of stores or the Wal-Mart where people go to abandon their children – I was shopping there (I know- bad decision) on 12/23/07 at the height of Christmas shopping and left the main entrance excited to take a fresh breath of air. I went to inhale some “fresh” Fall River air and got a huge mouthful of marijuana smoke from the kids hitting the bowl right at the entrance/exit and only 10 feet away from a Harbor Mall security truck. In case the smell of marijuana isn’t noticeable, the kids were yelling “hey nigger” and loudly commenting on how hard their friend was hitting the bowl. I contemplated telling the guy in the “security” truck but figured the pot smokers were probably better armed than the security guard. I also considered recommending to the little potheads that there is a perfectly good rear of the building if they did not want to get caught for their illegal and public drug use. I did neither because I think I was a little high from the smoke.
3. Stop Using Checks – There should be a special line for you people so you can understand the annoyance and time wasted when you are in line behind a check user. Cash and debit cards are awesome!! So stop using your freaking checks….help me out here - and in return I will stop drilling holes in the back of your head with my eyes.
4. Grocery Store Shoppers – If you leave your cart in the middle of the aisle when you are price checking ketchup (or whatever)– no one can get by…kindly position your cart to the side of the aisle to allow thru –traffic. Additionally, if you truly like the person that you are reconnecting with after not having seen them for 10 years, please do it in a less used aisle – like the pen section – and stop blocking my access to the cheese.
5. Shop-Walking in General – If you and your closest 4 friends are walking side by side by side by side and as a result taking up the entire sidewalk/aisle/whatever kind of walkway…stop being obnoxious and reconsider your walking formation because you are running people off the walkway and sometimes into the street.